I’m Hungry, pt. II
When reflecting upon the blog I wrote last night, I ask myself, am I just playing the victim? This morning I read this from the [excellent] book My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers: “For a time we are conscious of God’s attentions, then, when God begins to use us in His enterprises, we take on a pathetic look and talk of the trials and the difficulties, and all the time God is trying to make us do our duty as obscure people.” After I read it, I re-read it twice and asked myself “Is this where I am right now? Am I just taking on a pathetic look and wallowing in self-pity or am I indeed just ‘hungry’ as I called it last night?” Furthermore, how am I being used of God right now? Oswald Chambers said that we start to take on this “pathetic look” once God begins to use us. I haven’t been active in the youth group or in youth leadership for a while now, I don’t really have a single church I can take root in, I don’t lead worship anywhere and in fact hardly ever play my guitar lately, whenever I talk to anyone, we never really get into any deep conversations and I’m really not helping anyone right now. How is God using me? Am I making too much out of a small detail, a mountain out of a molehill so to speak? Is God even using me right now? He has used me in the past, when I’ve gone on missions trips, when I’ve counseled others and given advice, when I’ve comforted someone, but is God using me right now in any way or am I just a dead branch destined for cropping off? James says that “Faith without works is dead.” Is my faith dead? Am I just a stump on a log? Am I just a fly on the wall? Am I just a rock on the side of the road? Or am I actually doing something to further the Kingdom? Am I making a difference in the way others view the world? Am I doing my duty and sharing the Gospel? AM I LIVING MY LIFE FOR GOD OR FOR ME? AM I WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY OR ARE THESE QUESTIONS VALID? Where does one draw the line? When does thinking like I have been transform from honest questions into a pity party? Does it in fact transform into a pity party? I guess I’m just batting at the wind, but if I am actually onto something, please let me know.