The deep inner workings of a beggar's mind

I’m Hungry, pt. II

When reflecting upon the blog I wrote last night, I ask myself, am I just playing the victim? This morning I read this from the [excellent] book My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers: For a time we are conscious of God’s attentions, then, when God begins to use us in His enterprises, we take on a pathetic look and talk of the trials and the difficulties, and all the time God is trying to make us do our duty as obscure people.” After I read it, I re-read it twice and asked myself “Is this where I am right now? Am I just taking on a pathetic look and wallowing in self-pity or am I indeed just ‘hungry’ as I called it last night?” Furthermore, how am I being used of God right now? Oswald Chambers said that we start to take on this “pathetic look” once God begins to use us. I haven’t been active in the youth group or in youth leadership for a while now, I don’t really have a single church I can take root in, I don’t lead worship anywhere and in fact hardly ever play my guitar lately, whenever I talk to anyone, we never really get into any deep conversations and I’m really not helping anyone right now. How is God using me? Am I making too much out of a small detail, a mountain out of a molehill so to speak? Is God even using me right now? He has used me in the past, when I’ve gone on missions trips, when I’ve counseled others and given advice, when I’ve comforted someone, but is God using me right now in any way or am I just a dead branch destined for cropping off? James says that “Faith without works is dead.” Is my faith dead? Am I just a stump on a log? Am I just a fly on the wall? Am I just a rock on the side of the road? Or am I actually doing something to further the Kingdom? Am I making a difference in the way others view the world? Am I doing my duty and sharing the Gospel? AM I LIVING MY LIFE FOR GOD OR FOR ME? AM I WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY OR ARE THESE QUESTIONS VALID? Where does one draw the line? When does thinking like I have been transform from honest questions into a pity party? Does it in fact transform into a pity party? I guess I’m just batting at the wind, but if I am actually onto something, please let me know.

4 responses

  1. Brianna

    Hey Brian.
    I want to tell you that though you may feel like you are doing nothing for God, or that you are living for yourself, I know for a fact that is not the case. I have watched you go through this with your father and all the hard times and can’t help but smile at your strength and your courage. Everytime I see you, you are put together, and praising God. My grandma died, and I was a wreck. I couldnt even talk. I was an awful person to be around. You have done nothing but make the sunshine around you, and for that I know God is pleased, and I know he is using you for something. He is using you as an encouragement to those of us who feel like we can’t make it; like our life is too tough; like breathing isnt worth it anymore. I love you Brian <3

    May 1, 2008 at 12:20

  2. Just the fact that you realize that something is the matter is the first step. You have a repentent and a good heart towards God, and He will use that, if you will allow Him. Look for oppurtunities and things you can get involved with. Play in a praise band, heck play in ours on tuesday. No one of us is perfect and you are an excellent player who really wants to serve God. We need people like that. Man, I know its hard to get back up when you struggle, because honestly sometimes I just wanna stay down, but every fiber ouonce of me believes in something more, and you do too obviously. The Lord has given us so much to do, and there is always work to be done for the kingdom. The question is, will you do it? Cause I believe you will.

    May 1, 2008 at 14:02

  3. hey man, without a doubt the fact that you’re asking the questions is proof that you’re not the branch that is dead. Most people (esp. adults) that I’ve encountered lately seem so focused on life and their individual pursuits that they’re not even asking the question of how they can better impact the world for His kingdom.

    I think the tougher thing is how to impact the world in the post-post modern culture. Christianity is no longer in the majority, and most of the people we encounter now have a negative view of Christianity. Things we did years ago in church no longer work. And I’m not talking decades…I’m talking things that were great even five years ago are ineffective today.

    Today, I think the church needs to be about individuals and couples investing their lives in a few individuals and couples, really getting to know them and give everything in showing the true love of Christ.

    Thanks for the blog.

    May 6, 2008 at 06:08

  4. eowynfair

    I agree with all the comments made…and acknowledging that there is an issue is the first step.

    I know this is an old blog…but just so you know, your writings encourage me very much. Even when you feel like you’re not helping anybody, there are people who read them and are encouraged and inspired to be better Christians and to rely on God more. Thank you for that. :)

    April 1, 2009 at 23:55

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