The deep inner workings of a beggar's mind

I’m Hungry, pt. I

At what point does prayer become merely a selfish routine? How long does it take for one to become numb to the voice of God? How many times can one hear the promises in Scripture before they seem cliché? How much erosion can the Armor of God endure before it rusts away, or rather, how long can one muddle through life without using said armor? When does one know that he has moved into the realm of disbelief, and is it an immediate turning or a slow fade? HOW LONG CAN ONE STARVE HIMSELF BEFORE HE DIES? How long can a fire last without fuel? Why does one spit in the face of the One holding out His hand for deliverance and refuse to accept the help being offered freely? Why is it so difficult for one to let go of his bad habits, to turn from his vices? Why does it take so long to admit these habits are indeed vices? What is one to do after he realizes these vices are killing him? How can one change what has been so firmly ingrained in his thought process, so pivotal a part of his worldview? So many questions left unanswered, so many things left unsaid, so little left of one’s sanity and resolve. I’m floundering under the pressures of life, sin, guilt, and pain. I need something more. I need something real. I experienced some of that reality last night. Through frailty and honesty before God Almighty, I experienced a small taste of the release that awaits me, yet I still seem to follow the well-beaten path I have been trodding for years. WHY AM I SO STUBBORN? Why do I find it so difficult to lay off everything that hinders me? Why do I neglect spending time with the One Who made me, the One Who saved me, the One Who LOVES ME BEYOND ALL REASON and desires my company desperately? This is something I need to work out, but I’m not quite sure how. I need direction. I need advice. I need help to find my way.

One response

  1. eowynfair

    I think we all do get distracted by life sometimes. I know I do…even when I have time I’m not always sincerely seeking His face. (At least not actively.) But I often find that, when I’m distracted or discouraged, God will send me a friend who encourages me to get back on track. :)

    April 1, 2009 at 23:48

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