The deep inner workings of a beggar's mind


I find myself in a place of re-evaluation: a place to sit back, look at my life, and seek a fresh revelation. I need to discover where the Light is leading me, where the Wind is pushing. Doors are closing, pressure is building, and weariness (as well as burnout) is beginning to set in. Things have been set in motion by my decisions and the direction of divine Providence that will surely bring about change in my life. There are several things I need to develop in order for this to be a stepping stone instead of a roadblock. I need to develop a firm foundation upon which to stand by discovering exactly why I believe the way I do. Do not misunderstand; I do not doubt the integrity of the foundation upon which I stand. Rather, I need to discover my true reasons for responding to the call of my Master, my own deep-rooted convictions, and allow room for any changes that must occur. I also need to develop a stronger sense of dependency, for it is within that dependence where I will truly find release. ‘Tis a dependence not upon the strength of my back and the sweat of my brow (or the lack thereof), but a dependence upon the Author AND FINISHER of my faith, the Wellspring of Everlasting Life, THE ONE. Now this, by no means, is an excuse for slothfulness. Though the Wind shall determine my path, I must still raise my own sails. I must still put forth some effort, for faith without works is dead. Following the Wind does not guarantee smooth sailing, but even in the fiercest of storms, my Anchor will hold fast. There is a good possibility that my ship may become tattered. However, my Anchor shall not allow me to be swept away and destroyed by the waves. Of course, it may in fact be the Anchor that is causing the storms to purify and strengthen me. Gold is refined through fire, trees grow through pruning, children grow wise through chastisement, and all actions have consequences. Providence, in His divine justice, is allowing me to suffer the consequences of my actions to bring about transformation of my heart, my mind, and my will, and I gladly accept them, for a Father chastises those He loves, and I wish not to be regarded as illegitimate. Grace and mercy certainly have merit, but at this point, I’m quite happy that justice is guiding the circumstances in my life. I became calloused, so it required something of a breaking to catch my attention, and I’m finally starting to crack. I’m finally striving to listen to the still, small voice that has been calling to me all this time. The answers I seek will most likely not be revealed quickly, but I am confident that once the Word sinks deep into my soul, I will find riches untold and I will rejoice all the more that I have been given the privilege of experiencing this time of testing. Praise be to divine Providence, my firm Anchor, and my guiding Wind, now and forevermore! Amen.

3 responses

  1. Dan

    Great post Brian. It takes a mature heart not to fear or run away from tribulations and difficulties that our Father brings into our life. And we find to our amazement that He would use broken and lowly vessels over ones proud in their own self worth. We may be persecuted but not abandoned. We may be struck down but not destroyed. He who has began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it! And that’s a sure promise we can rest in!

    April 14, 2009 at 00:18

  2. “Though the Wind shall determine my path, I must still raise my own sails.” I like that line. Good post.

    April 14, 2009 at 00:24

  3. Loren Fay.

    i must admit, i greatly enjoyed this brian.

    April 15, 2009 at 22:50

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