The deep inner workings of a beggar's mind


Sever your ties!
Sever your ties!
It feels like it’s time to move on.

No longer safe,
No longer home,
Melancholy, melancholy.

Weave your lies,
“Everything’s fine,”
“I’ll be back soon.”

Wipe your eyes,
No one has to know,
Turn your back on the sun.

Plastic smile,
A hollow smile,
Empty shell, robbed of life.

Sea of regret,
Past haunts my steps,
Brittle bones washed white and snapping.

All alone,
Leave me be,
How could you possibly say you love me?

Illusion of joy,
Hidden cold shoulder,
Matches the breath in my lungs.

So wretched,
None will accept me,
Don my familiar mask.

Can’t open up,
No one can know,
Everything’s been ruined,
Must leave with no trace.

Leave me be!

Leave me be!

I’m content in my turmoil.

I don’t want sympathy,

I don’t want your help,

Be silent and let me live!
(If you can call this life.)

Not life. Existence.

Not love. Illusions.

Not lost, just tired.

Hope is only a dream;

Fade away,
All alone,
Leave me to my meditations.

Don’t pry.
Don’t disturb.
Don’t offer me anything.

Don’t want advice.

Don’t want a listening ear.

Don’t want anything.

Just want to wander.
Just want to fade.
Just want to…exist.

When I wander, the world disappears.
When I’m alone, gleefully melancholy.
Under the stars, I find rest. I find peace. I find existence.

All I want, All I need, All I pursue.

Just existence.

Just melancholy.

Just misery.


Burning alive!

Burning to nothing.

I endanger you,
Leave me be!

Stay away from me,
For your own good.

I’m a threat.

I’m a loner.

Always have been.

And that’s the way I like it.

6 responses

  1. Brian. Call me.

    November 25, 2009 at 01:05

  2. Brian, I love you, I accept you. No matter what. Trust in Jesus and lean on the friends he gave you.

    November 25, 2009 at 01:27

  3. NSP

    My precious blood bought brother
    alone, yet with another;
    hope is never lost
    remember the cost.

    I am alive, I am alive
    I live because He lives;
    the air I breath, His gift to me,
    His death has set me free.

    What wonder and excitement
    the joy that’s found within;
    to know the truth, a mystery
    once blind, but now I see.

    Darkness looms on many horizons
    isolation calls my name;
    yet where to roam I cannot find
    for my heart has been His home.

    No one seems to understand
    I find no comforter;
    yet if I lift my eyes above the clutter of my mind
    I will, no doubt find refuge, for I know thou are mine.

    My Adversary roams about
    He seeks to devour
    my heart, my soul, my flesh;
    my hope, my call, my quest.

    I will not, I will not,
    I will not yield to his lies;
    I will not, I can not, I shall not be deprived,
    for gloom shall fade to glory
    my darkness succumbs to His light;
    my heart is set on Him who conquered sin and grave.

    Life your eyes, my blood-bought brother,
    to Him who was, and is, and is to come;
    For though you feel all alone, ‘
    you are always with another!

    Musings from a friend

    November 25, 2009 at 13:09

    • Thanks, bro. I never knew you had it in you. ;) God bless and I’ll see you on Sunday.

      November 26, 2009 at 00:33

  4. concert

    Your way with words are a gift. The feelings you convey I can relate to. It’s no fun being along and crying yourself to sleep. Rules and promises are meant to be broken. If you ever come back to life there is always someone here. <3

    November 25, 2009 at 22:37

  5. Kenneth

    “Your path led through the sea, Your way through the mighty waters, and though Your footprints were not seen, You led Your people like a flock” Psalm 77

    November 28, 2009 at 01:27

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