The deep inner workings of a beggar's mind


How narrow my focus has been!

Who am I to magnify myself, to put my own desires before the desires of the One Who made the hands that I am typing with, the eyes with which I see, and the mind which is formulating these words as I go?

Why do I settle for frivolity when Eternity is staring me in the face?

Why do I treat this privileged position like dirt?

Why do I fill my day with everything conceivable (and some things not) EXCEPT those things which will never fade?

Why do You tolerate my insolence?

Why do I resign You the back burner when You should be at the forefront?

What can I do to change this pattern?

Where is my love for Your Word? Where is my desire to seek You at the expense of EVERYTHING ELSE?!?

Won’t You spark my passion anew?

Won’t You help me live for You?

Won’t You exalt Yourself in my actions, thoughts, and being?

Won’t You consume my heart and show me that my petty pursuits are MEANINGLESS?

Or am I doomed to be cursed as such until I see You face-to-face?

I’ve become dry (Wash me with Your life)

I cannot comply (Break me down)

I need this old life to die (Raise me with You to life anew)

I want this pattern to fly (Heal my mind and give me focus)

Your face,

Your name,

So worthy!

So why do I push You aside?

May I see things as You do. May Eternity fill my sight and filter all my experiences and attitudes. May I settle for nothing less.

Lord, I come, please hear my plea.

Now, let Your grace wash over me.

Reshape my priorities,

Until Your face is all I see.

3 responses

  1. Sara

    I love the ending especially. It gave me goosebumps. We all go through this ridiculousness of putting ourselves before God. Your words are one of someone who wants to be close to Him again and I think that, above everything else, is something He always responds to. I really loved it :-)

    February 10, 2010 at 00:54

  2. Eowyn Fair

    I agree, I think God values a heart that desires to be close to him, even if we have difficulty getting there sometimes. He will honor your plea if you are sincere, as I know you are.

    And as always, I’m here for you if ever you need anything. :)

    February 12, 2010 at 22:09

  3. Mandy

    I just had a thought, as I was looking at your blog… These things that frustrate you…they are never going to change if we only have the desire to change them. Yes, the willpower is the first step. As the joke goes, “How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it has to really want to change.

    March 1, 2010 at 22:34

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