The deep inner workings of a beggar's mind

Pt. IV – The Creation and Fall of Man

Alright folks, part four is here!! Classes begin now on the creation and the fall of man. This blog is a little different than all the others, so I hope you enjoy it and don’t find it offensive, a bit too over-the-top, or think I’m treating this like a joke. That was never my intention. I simply wanted to provide a bit of a break from all the heavy wordiness of the others.

Section I: Creation (Gen. 1 & 2)

Now I need you to think back…WAAAAYYYYY BACK…to the beginning of time. Genesis 1:1 – “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” Picture this if you can: all there is on every side is space…just black, cold, empty space…God looks at it and says “I can make something beautiful out of that.” So He, with one spoken word, makes the little floating ball of dirt that would later be known as earth out of the nothingness around Him…but see, when it first showed up in our little corner of the universe, it was formless, and the Spirit (AKA the Holy Spirit; we’ll talk more about Him later) was “hovering over the waters.” (Gen. 1:2). Now, we’re still in the dark, so God says, “Well let’s fix that shall we? Let there be light.” And just as soon as He said that it’s like, “WHOA!!! It got bright all of a sudden!!” Then He said, “That’s excellent!! Now I need a name for it…” So He called the light day and the darkness night. Pretty cool, huh? And we still call them that today…AMAZING!!! “…And there was evening, and there was morning-the first day” (Gen. 1:5).

It gets better; there’s still 5 more days to go!! Ok, it’s the second day and God’s just beboppin along and says, “You know what’d be cool?” And He separated the waters below (oceans) from the waters above (the atmosphere of the earth/ozone layer). Then He says, “Ok, I’ll call the expanse between the waters sky,” and it was so. “…And there was evening, and there was morning-the second day” (Gen. 1:8). Pretty good, right? At least we have air to breathe and water to swim in now.

Third day, and God’s havin a great time!! He loves the water and all, but He’s not even close to being done yet. So He gets this bright idea and makes the dry land appear (that’ll make all of you who have no sea legs happy anyway). He steps back, takes a look, and then says, “Hmm, it’s missing something.” So then He makes all the grass and trees and bushes and whatnot appear on the land (and the coral reefs and seaweed and stuff appear underwater too). Then He steps back again, says, “It’s good. I like it.” “And there was evening, and there was morning-the third day” (Gen. 1:13).

Alright, the next day…He looks at space and thinks its kinda plain, what with all the emptiness and all, so He snaps His fingers and makes the sun, moon, and stars appear all around Him. He is now officially the first stargazer!! Not only that, He also sets up the seasons and years and stuff now so we won’t get (too) confused. He looks at it and says, “It’s good.” “And there was evening, and there was morning-the fourth day” (Gen. 1:19). So far, so good.

The next day, He looks at the great environment He’s made and says, “I like it, but it’s still not done yet, let’s add this now. Alright I need birds to fly around in the sky now and fish to swim around in the seas.” So that’s exactly what He makes. He’s now the first birdwatcher too. Then He turns to the animals and is like “Ok, I need you to make babies now, so you can fill up the skies and seas. Enjoy yourselves.” “And there was evening, and there was morning-the fifth day” (Gen. 1:23). Woo! Almost done!

Ok, day 6. You got trees, you got rocks, you got birds and fish havin fun in the sky and sea, but the land is still kinda bare. So God takes one look at it and says, “Hey, I need all the bugs and tigers and cows and dinosaurs and all the other land animals to appear here.” And it happened. He looks down, is pleased with what He’s made so far, and then He says, “That’s all well and good, but I need an intelligent being to talk to down there.” So He turns to Jesus and says “Hey, you know what we need? We need to make a man in our image to talk to and fellowship with. Sound good?” And Jesus smiles and says, “Of course!! That’s a great idea!! Let’s do it.” So He did and it’s like “POOF!! We’re here!! WOOO!!”

Of course, there was just one man, named Adam, all of us around the world today come later…Then God turns, makes a garden in the east (The Garden of Eden), complete with fruit trees, seed trees, every other kind of tree, animals, bugs, and a few rivers flowing through it. He then  transports Adam there, and says, “Hey buddy, how you like the place?” Adam looks at Him and says, “I LOVE it, Dad. It’s beautiful! Thanks for making it for me.” Then God’s like, “No problem!”

But then God thought of something. “It’s gonna get pretty lonely with him being the only one of his kind”, so God calls Adam out into a field and says, “Hey, could you lie down here for a sec?” And Adam’s like “Sure, Dad, whatever You say.” So Adam lies down in the soft, lush green grass and falls into a deep sleep. We’re talking Sleeping Beauty deep here. So God reaches down and takes a rib out of his side and makes a woman out of it to be Adam’s companion (That makes God the first anesthesiologist and surgeon too). When Adam wakes up, he’s like, “WHOA!! Where’d you come from you sexy thang?” God snickers and the woman blushes and points at Adam’s side.  Then Adam’s like, “Oh, ok. I’m gonna call you woman, cuz your beauty made me say WHOA!! and you came from a man. Alright?” She smiles and says “Ok, honey.” Adam then says, “While ‘woman’ is a nice name, it seems kinda impersonal, so from now on, I’ll call you Eve.” Eve smiles once again, then Adam turns to God and says, “Thanks, Lord, I was getting kinda lonely.” God’s like, “No problem, buddy. You deserve it. I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.” So Adam smiles and does it. First kiss on the earth!! Alright!!

Then God says, “Hey listen up. Now I’m putting you two in charge of everything you see around you. Enjoy!! Another thing, You can eat any green plant you see around you and any seeds and things you see, except for the fruit on the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in the center of the garden. Understand?” They both nod. “Ok, another thing, I bless you two. Be fruitful and multiply. I don’t think that’ll be too hard…One more thing, I got a job for you two. I need you to come up with names for all the animals you see around you.” And they’re like, “Alright, we can do that. Thanks Dad.” So that was the end of the sixth day.

After all this creating, God takes the seventh day of the week to rest and sanctified it as the day of rest for everyone. He looked down from heaven at everything He’d made, now complete with people to talk to and meet with, and with a deep, satisfied laugh, He says, “It is VERY good. VERY good.” And that was that. My version of the creation story.

Section II: The Fall (Gen. 3)

Okay, so we have Adam and Eve hanging out in the garden for a while now. All the animals had names, and Adam and Eve were quite well established with a nice, two-story waterfront treehouse, with a large branch full of lovely vines just strong enought to swing on and dive into the river from. On one bright, sunny day (like they all were then), they were thinking about what they wanted to do. They were walking together, and all of a sudden, Eve thinks of something new that she believes might be fun.

“Hey, Adam, betcha can’t find me!! Count to 30 and then come lookin for me.” Adam’s like “Ok, honey. Say what do you call this game?” Eve thinks for a second, then smiles and says “Hide and Seek.” So Adam starts counting…”1…2…3…4…” Eve runs and looks for a place to hide. Since she and Adam have been all over the garden and she had many favorite spots all around it, she figured he’d check those first, so she ran until she reached the middle of the Garden. She ducks behind a bush, and out of nowhere, she hears a mysterious voice.

“Hello there, Eve.” She spins and sees a large serpent standing behind her with his arms behind his back and a mischievous look in his eyes. “Hey, I got a quesssstion,” the serpent says. “Did God really ssssay that you can’t eat from every tree you ssssee in thissss garden?” Eve thinks for a second, then says, “God said that we could eat from any tree we wanted to except for the one in the middle of the garden called the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and He also said that if we did, we would die right then and there.” The serpent laughs and picks a nice, ripe fruit from the tree she mentioned, shines it up, and holds it in front of her face. “I’ll tell ya what, I think God wassss lying to you when He ssssaid that. You aren’t going to die. No, insssstead, I think He wassss worried becausssse He knew if you did eat from it, you’ll be like Him, knowing the difference between good and evil…and besidessss, it lookssss rather delicioussss, don’t you agree? It’ssss a beautiful color, very ssssweet to the taste…ssssweeter than everything else in this garden you see around you.” Eve looks into the eyes of the serpent, then down at the fruit in his hand. She then speaks up and says, “I…I guess you’re right…and like you said, it looks absolutely delicious.” “Ssso take it,” the serpent says with a snicker, “and enjoy it. There’ssss nothing in thissss world like it…”

Eve takes another cautious look at the serpent and then takes the fruit he offered to her from his hand. Eve smiles when she takes it and says, “You’re right. This piece of fruit does look better than all the rest.” Her heart started fluttering and her stomach filled up with butterflies. She could feel the adrenaline coarsing through her veins, and with that, she bites into the fruit. “Oh, this is absolutely delicious!! Why haven’t I tasted this before? I gotta get Adam to try it.” She looks up and sees Adam walking nearby and yells, “Oh, Adam!! ADAM!!! I’m over here, honey!!” Adam laughs and says, “I thought I was supposed to come and find you. Why’d you give up your hiding spot?” He smiles and approaches her, noticing the piece of fruit in her hand. When he gets next to her, he says, “I’ve never seen a piece of fruit like that before. Where’d you get it?” “Just try it, you’ll love it!!” Eve exclaims.

With that, Adam takes the fruit and takes a bite, and says, still looking at the fruit, “Oh my, this is unlike anything else I’ve tasted before. Where did you say you got it?” When he looked up at her they both jumped and blushed, because they realized they were naked. Adam then says, “OH!! I NEED SOME CLOTHES NOW!!” Eve says, “ME TOO!!” and they sewed some fig leaves together to cover themselves.

During this whole time, God was watching from above and when they sinned by eating the fruit God told them not to, He started to sob, knowing that they could no longer meet like they could before. After Adam and Eve were done making their clothes, they heard God walking around in the garden calling to them, so they freaked out and hid behind the nearby trees. God then called out to Adam, “Hey, Adam, buddy, where are you? Come on, we haven’t had our daily walk yet, and now’s the best time for it.”

Adam then reluctantly ducks out from behind the tree and says, “Here I am, Lord. I felt like I needed to hide from you because I was naked.” Then God kinda chuckles and says, “Well, who told you you were naked? I don’t remember mentioning that…unless…” God suddenly gets a disappointed look on His face and says, “…unless you ate from that tree I told you not to. Is that what happened?” (The whole time, He knew the answer, of course).

Adam lets his head droop and then, with tears in his eyes and anger in his voice, says, “Well, that WOMAN you gave me handed me the fruit and I ate it because she told me it was good and because she wanted me to. It’s her fault, not mine. She didn’t ever tell me where she got the fruit from! (Though from the start, he knew where it was from)” God then turns His attention to Eve, who is hurt at the accusation, and she says, “It’s not MY fault!! That SERPENT over there gave it to me, and told me that it wouldn’t kill me and that all You were worried about was me not finding out the difference between good and evil…and…it’s not my fault…*sniff*…it’s…not…” Adam and Eve then start to sob uncontrollably because they knew exactly what they had done, and they knew the consequences of their actions.

God then frowns very harshly at the serpent, who is still hiding behind the nearest tree to him because of his fear of the Lord’s judgment, pulls him out from his hiding spot, and says to him, “Because of what you’ve done, I curse you above all other beasts of the earth!! From now on, you will crawl on your belly and be scorned by all, eating the dust as you go. I will also make you and your seed enemies with the woman and her seed, and even though you’re going bruise his heel, He will crush your head. Now, GET OUT OF HERE and NEVER show your face here again!!” All of a sudden, the serpent lets out a horrifying shriek, falls to the ground, and his limbs vanish. He tries in vain to get up off his belly, and then as the Lord approaches him, he trembles and slithers away as fast as he can.

God then turns to His most prized creations, and with sadness in His voice, says first to the woman, “Eve, because of what you’ve done, childbirth is going to be one of the most painful things you’ve ever experienced, and you will be subordinate to your husband, Adam.” (To all you women’s libbers out there, I’m not making this part up…it’s from Gen. 3:16). Then He turns and says to the man, “Adam, because you listened to your wife when she told you to disobey me and ate from that tree, the ground is cursed from now on. Just as your wife will have pain and sorrow in childbirth, you will have pain and sorrow when you try to plant for food. Thorns and thistles are going to make your job harder, and you must plant for food now. One more thing, now you will die physically as you have spiritually. From the ground you came, to the ground you return. The same goes for your wife too. Now, you both must leave this garden, never to return…but you will never be alone.”

And with that, God killed an innocent lamb to make clothes for them to keep them warm in the cold, dark, and lonely world, and the couple left the garden. As soon as they stepped outside of the garden, God put an angel with a flaming sword at the entrance to the garden to make sure they couldn’t ever return. In the years to follow, murder, violence, turmoil, terror, addictions, rape, drugs, diseases, and all the other nuisances we deal with every day came into being, and here we are today, born into sin, dealing with our sin, for the rest of our lives. But aren’t you glad the story doesn’t end there. Part 5: The Redemption of Mankind, coming soon.

One response

  1. I didn’t realize until recently that Adam was actually there with Eve (gen 3:6). I guess we won’t ever know why exactly he did it, but I like the way Richard Greene put it…that he didn’t want to lose the thing he loved most.

    And I like the way you made God and Adam converse… :p This might make you laugh… http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page

    October 7, 2008 at 12:06

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